Newlyweds: Erik and Christine
by faeriecatcher1
Summary: Will Erik's American Idol obsession be the demise of his marriage with Christine? suck at summaries...please read and review!UPDATED!
1. Chapter 1

**Newlyweds: Erik and Christine**

"_**Episode 1"**_

(American Idol theme music)

Ryan Seacrest (on the T.V)…and the next American Idol is… Carrie Underwood! (Camera flashes to an over ecstatic Carrie)

Erik: (stands up) Curse you! You little lying Delilah! You little viper-

Christine: Erik? (Peaks head in from kitchen) Calm down for goodness sakes! (Motions to meatloaf) It's time for dinner come sit.

E: (sits down reluctantly and starts to mope) I hate that girl Carrie, no talent at all, and trust me _I know_ talent, remind me of Carlotta…no talent _at all_…and that Simon well when I meet him I'll Punjab him so fast…

C: (rolls eyes) It's amazing what reality T.V can do to people.

E: Hey, what's that suppose to mean? (Stands up in American Idol pajamas and slippers)

C: (sighs) Nothing, let's just eat.

E: Fine…(gobbles up meatloaf but leaves spinach).

C: Wait a minute; we don't have TVs in the 1870's!

E: Your point?

C: Well, than how can you be watching a reality T.V. show?

E: (ignores comment) You know, I should be judge on that show, it'd be a good way to make some extra money for a maid, I hate when you make me clean the lake, I mean it's an _underground lake_.

C: Nevertheless, it still needs to kept clean. And don't you remember what happened to our last maid?

E: No…(avoids eye contact)

C: She was cleaning the mirrors in the torture chamber and accidentally locked herself in.

E: Oh yeah, I hated her, she'd always polish the organ with some weird smelling stuff…

C: Erik!

E: Just kidding! (Shifts uncomfortably)

(Both continue to eat in an awkward silence)

C: (perks up suddenly) Oh my God! I totally forgot! The interior designer is coming tomorrow!

E: What!

C: I'm redoing the lair.

E: Why?

C: well…it needs updating, and there are these adorable curtains I saw the other day…

E: I DON"T CARE this was my lair first!

C: It's either that or we move into the house next to _Raoul_. Just imagine, he could come over _every day_, and we could have barbeques, block parties, and-

E: O.K O.K (shivers at thought) redo the lair, just nothing too un-phantom like.

C: Agreed (crosses fingers behind her back). Speaking of Raoul, you have a hair appointment with him tomorrow.

E: Excuse me? I'm _The Phantom of the Opera_ (theme music ensues in background).

C: You sure haven't been acting like one lately.

E: Hey!

C: Hey is for horses Erik. Anyway, you're finally getting a permanent wig, and Raoul needs his weekly blow out, so I figured you two could go together while Meg and I stay here with the designer.

E: I'm not going with that fop! (snickers) girly, girl…

C: (starts cleaning off the table)

E: Can I have ice cream?

C: Not until you finish your spinach.

E: But I don't like spinach! (throws tantrum)

C: Do I need to do the airplane?

E: (looks down at plate) yes.

C: Zoooooooooooooooommmmmmmm…here comes the airplane…. zoommm…broooommmm…. coming in for a landing….

E: Yay! (claps hands)

(This goes on until there is no spinach left)

E: Can I have ice cream now? I want vanilla, with sprinkles, and fudge, and nuts, and cookies, and chocolate chips, and…

C: (looks in freezer) Oh no, we're out of ice cream! The siren must've eaten it! Always sneaking things in the middle of the night…

E: (laughs) Yeah, I know, tell me about it…(starts sweating).

C: (looks through rest of kitchen) I need to go grocery shopping need anything?

E: Yeah! That kid cuisine stuff and the macaroni and cheese in the little shapes…the uh…"Rugrats" ones.

C: Will you go for me tomorrow after your appointment?

E: Do I have a choice?

C: No, but you can pretend you want to.

E: (sighs) Of course honey, I would absolutely love to! Anything for my wonderful wife who would never force me to do anything against my will!

C: Awwww you're too nice to me. Well, that's that I am going to bed.

E: Night night, don't let the bedbugs bite! (smiles stupidly).

C: (mumbles under breath) I don't think I can last much longer.


	2. Chapter 2

"Episode 2" 

Receptionist: (overly perky) Welcome to _J'adore_, name please?

E: uh…Erik.

R: Ah! We were expecting you Mr…

E: Erik.

R: Right, Mr. Erik! The vicomte is over there waiting for you (motions to Raoul flirting with all the salon girls to mooch free hair products off of them).

E: Thanks.

Raoul: Phantom old buddy! How are you?

E: (growls)

Ra: I'm good thanks! Ready for our hair appointments? These appointments are the highlight of my week. I mean this one time…

E: (tunes Raoul out and sits down in salon chair)

Ra: Wheeeeeeee! Look its spinny! Wheeeeeeeee!

Salon lady: So, let me just fit this wig on and we can trim the sides.

E: (gives evil threatening glare)

SL: (walks away to get scissors)

Ra: (is still spinning)

SL: (trying pitifully to start a conversation) So where do you live? (tries to avoid the glares).

E: (still glaring)

Ra: (has finally stopped spinning)

(This goes on until they are both finished)

R: Your total will be 3000 francs.

E: What? That's a total rip off!

Ra: that's fine I'll pay (pulls out American Idol wallet)

E: (tries not to notice but American Idol obsession is too strong) _You_ like AI?

Ra: Hell yeah! I've never missed an episode.

E: OMG ME TOO! (screeches like a little girl)

Ra: NO WAY! (jumps up and down)

E: LIKE TOTALLY WAY!

(Spend rest of time debating the best way to kill Simon)

(Erik finally reaches the lair)

E: Christine you'll never guess…

C: So you like it?

E: WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED HERE? ARE YOU INSANE? _THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA_ (theme music ensues in background) CANNOT HAVE A LAIR THAT INCLUDES PINK LACEY CURTAINS WITH (pauses and examines curtains) FLOWERS ON THEM!

C: (starts to cry) They are roses honey, just like the ones you _used_ to give me. You don't like it? I thought they would _mean _something to you!

E: (softens face) oh honey no, I'm sorry, I do like them, really I do.

C: You're lying! (runs to her room and locks herself in)

E: Oh c'mon Christine you know I get moody sometimes.

C: Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

E: C'mon I have surprise for you!

C: (sniffs) What?

E: I'm applying to be a judge on American Idol! Apparently Raoul has connections.

C: SO?

E: Well, with the extra money…(drains every last bit of his strength to say what he does next) we could buy a couch set that goes with curtains.

(door to bedroom is flung open)

C: Really! (Kisses Erik on the lips).

E: Yep! (Puts on his happy face…although not literally if you know what I mean…oh never mind just keep reading)

C: YAY! (skips around lair)

E: (collapses into a chair) Well, at least she hasn't mentioned kids yet…


	3. Chapter 3

"Episode 3" 

(phone rings)

E: Hello, the phantom of the opera is here although not in your mind since you called me…how may I help you?

Ra: Hey buddy! I got good news for you! You got the job as the fourth judge on AI!

E: REALLY? (starts jumping on new couch Christine bought to match the curtains).

Ra: Yep, I'm flying you out in three days!

(Christine walks in)

C: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?

E: uh…making sure the couch is fluffy enough?

C: (grabs phone from Erik and yells at Raoul) DON'T CALL THIS HOUSE AGAIN UNTIL YOU GET MY PERMISSION!

Ra: (cowers in fear on other side of phone) sorry…

C: (slams down phone) WHY ARE YOU JUMPING ON THE NEW COUCH?

E: Because I got the job on American Idol!

C: (stares blankly)

E: (explains slowly) Which will _pay_ for the couch…

C: (gives an eviler glare than the phantom if possible) WELL IT WON'T PAY FOR THE REPAIRS!

E: (sits down on couch) Sorry honey…(starts to pout).

C: oh no…that pout may work on the phan girls but it will NOT work on me!

E: (keeps pouting)

C: (tries to resist but pouting is too adorable) fine I forgive you.

E: Yay! (jumps into Christine's arms)

C: (drops him) never do that again.

E: (sighs)

C: (eyes couch again) What's that?

E: (starts to sweat) nothing…nothing at all (tries to kiss Christine but she pulls away)

C: wait a minute…

E: (braces self)

C: YOU GOT A STAIN ON MY COUCH? YOU SPILT (sniffs couch) CHOCOLATE MILK ON _THE COUCH_? HAVE YOU NO MERCY! YOU UNCARING SELFISH…(starts sobbing and locks herself in bedroom) First…(sniffs) you jump on the couch and then you (sniff) _spill_ something on the couch…

E: Honey, is something wrong? You seem to be in a bad mood today.

C: I'm…. menstrual…now leave me alone!

E: (shakes head) Here we go again…

(Two days and a few tablets of Midol later, Christine is happy with a newer expensive couch and decides to take Erik to a bowling alley)

(A/N: sorry this was so short the next chapter will be longer)


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own POTO (though it would be really cool if I did)

* * *

E: Are we there yet?

C: No.

E: Are we there yet now?

C: NO.

E: Are we there---

C: NO I WILL TELL YOU WHEN!

E: Kay…(stares out window)

C: (concentrates on driving)

E: Are we there now?

(This goes on until they finally reach the bowling alley)

C: We're here!

E: Yay! (pauses and looks around) where are we?

C: A bowling alley, bowling is a fun game where you use a bowling ball to knock down white objects called pins.

E: Oh…(stores information for later use)

C: First we need bowling shoes (walks over to counter) size 6 please (hands over her shoes and receives the bowling equivalent) Ok Erik your turn.

E: (stares blankly)

C: (explains slowly) give the man your shoes….

E: NO! (Looks possessively at shoes) THEY'RE MINE! (Laughs manically).

C: Honey, you will get them back when were done.

E: Are you sure? (Stares suspiciously at guy behind the desk)

C: I promise.

E: All right (hands over shoes reluctantly) But if I don't get them back I'll Punjab him! (smiles smugly)

C: Ok…we're playing at lane 10.

E: Which lane is lane 10?

C: The one with the "Lane 10" sign over it duh (rolls eyes) you stay here; I'll get us some sodas, and while you're waiting, pick out a bowling ball (walks over to bar area).

E: (picks up first bowling ball he sees which happens to be the heaviest size and drops it).

Random kid: Haha…you're not very strong are you mister! My grandmother is stronger than you! (snickers at his "joke")

E: (turns around with a huge swirl of his cape, as lightening flashes in the background and _The Phantom of The Opera_ theme music plays) Excuse me?

Rk: (totally unfazed by the special effects) Does that happen whenever you talk to people cause' if it does that would be---

E: SILENCE FOOL!

C: Erik is everything O.K? (glances back)

E: Everything's fine! (pats little kid on the head until Christine turns around again) Now, give me _your_ bowling ball! (glares evilly)

Rk: Fine. Whatever, I'm over it (hands over bowling ball).

E: (notices the kid's white shirt) Why are you wearing white?

Rk: Oh, I'm with a camp (points over to his group of friends all wearing white t-shirts) it's the "uniform".

E: Thinks back to what Christine said earlier_: bowling is a fun game where you use a bowling bowl to knock down white objects called pins_. (thinks to himself) White objects…

Rk: Uh…sir, why are you looking at me like that?

E: Can you call your friends over I want to take a picture of you guys for the uh…newspaper.

Rk: Whatever (motions to is friends, they come and join him).

E: Ok ummm you stand here…(arranges kids in the shape of the pins and picks up bowling ball) on the count of three say cheese (gets ready to throw ball)…one…two…

C: ERIK STOOOOOOOOOP!

Kids: (run away frightened)

C: What were you doing?

E: Bowling…duh

C: Erik, you do not bowl with _little children_ the pins are down _there_ (points to end of lane).

E: I know…but it's boring knocking down things that aren't _alive_…(starts to mope).

C: Oh stop it…now try to hit those pins.

E: Fine (picks up bowling ball and throw it as hard as he can. It goes into the gutter within seconds. Reaches for another bowling ball)

C: Um…good shot honey…uh you get one more try.

E: (tries again but fails miserably and watches in horror as the bar sweeps his pins away) MY PINS! WHERE ARE THEY GOING? (paces frantically) THEY STOLE MY BOWLING BALLS TOO! WHAT CURSE IS THIS?

C: (sighs) Erik dear, the pins are not _yours_, and neither are the bowling balls…see the bowling ball comes back (points to machine)

E: (stares mesmerized)

C: Maybe this is too difficult for you…go try the arcade over there (points to arcade and hands Erik two dollars in quarters).

E: (happily walks over to the flashing lights of the arcade, goes to one of those crane games and laughs manically, causing two passing little kids to run back to their moms) This is too easy! I can event things more complicated than his! (Inserts coins into machine and grabs onto lever. He lets the crane down onto a stuffed powerful girl but the crane lifts up with nothing) HEY I HAD THAT! WHAT A SCAM! (Punjabs the next person going by him) FIX THIS NOW! I WANT MY QUARTERS BACK!

Person: uh…uh…I don't work here…but he does! (Points to person behind desk and is released by the phantom) Oh and if you don't mind me asking aren't you suppose to be a genius?

E: (glares evilly)

Person: Never mind (runs away).


	5. Chapter 5

"Episode 5" 

E:(approached by two teenage girls)

Teenage girls: ITS YOU!

E: Excuse me?

Megan: I'm Megan.

Michele: (stares with vacant expression and starts to drool)

Me: That's Michele.

E: What do you want? Go away or I shall kill you and your friends!

Me: (starts to cry)

E:(remarks to Michele) Why is she crying?

Mi: Well, besides the fact you just threatened _her life_, she doesn't have any friends for you to kill.

E: (blank stare)

Mi: Look I'm fainting! (Falls to ground)

E: (watches Michele fall to ground)

Me: (has stopped crying) Can you sign this? (holds up replica of mask)

E: Hey! How'd you get that? CHRISTINE HAVE YOU BEEN GIVING AWAY MY STUFF TO PHAN GIRLS AGAIN?

C: (ignores comment)

Me: (shifts uncomfortably) so…can you sign this?

E: fine.

Me: Oh my God, is that the pen you write notes with?

E: uh…yea (hands back mask)

Mi: (has recovered from fainting) Can I have your shirt?

E: no.

Mi: Can I have your pants?

E: NO! YOU CANNOT HAVE ANY ARTICLE OF MY CLOTHING!

Mi: Why aren't you wearing gloves?

E: Puh-lease those are _so _last season.

Mi: ok…uh…can I have your cape?

E: NO! YOU IMPERTENANT LITTLE GIRL!

Mi: I am not _little_!

E: (snickers) Could've fooled me.

Mi: Well, at least I don't smell like _death._

E: whatever.

Me: (starts screaming randomly) I LOVE YOU ERIK!

E: (shifts uncomfortably) I…uh…love you too?

Me: (faints)

Mi: That's not fair! (drags unconscious Megan out the door)

E: ok…umm…bye (walks over to Christine who has just finished her game)

Lets go I'm tired.

C: Why?

E: Phangirls (cringes).

C: Cool. Well let's go home…big day tomorrow!

E: Yea…who knew bowling could be so complicated?

C: (rolls eyes) Yeah sooo complicated.

E: Can I have a smoothie? I'm hungry.

C: You're always hungry…you're so weird.

E: WELL, scaring the stupid ballet girls takes a lot out of you. I 'm _The Phantom of the Opera_ (theme music ensues in background).

C: Can you shut that off? It's so _annoying_.

E: Can't it comes with the job.

(A/N: Don't worry Erik and Raoul will go back to hating each other.)


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Ok, Raoul is going to be the dumb one for now. (Since he is a fop)

Flight Attendant: Please make sure your trays are in the upright position, your seatbelts are on and your cell phones are off…we will be in the air shortly. (plane turns on to runway)

Ra: Ah! Oh no, my tray table isn't going into the upright position! (pushes with all his might) I'm going to die! (Starts hyperventilating) My cell phone! Is it off? I can't find my cell phone…this flight is doomed we are all going to die! Die I tell you! DIE!

(People in the first class cabin stare at him and Erik)

E: (rolls eyes, lightly pushes the tray table into an upright position, takes Raoul's cell phone out of his pocket turns it off, then slaps Raoul until he comes to his senses. Which he takes enormous pleasure in doing.)

Ra: (has stopped hyperventilating thanks to Erik's slaps) I don't like planes…

E: Then why the hell did you decide to fly with me to LA?

Ra: I…I…I dunno…I'm just a fop leave me aloooone!

E: (shrugs shoulders) Ok, works for me (stares out the window).

(The plane engines roar as it leaves the runway and starts gaining altitude. Raoul is convinced that this means the plane is crashing and puts his hand tightly over Erik's)

E: (enraged) Get your diseased fop hand off of me…whether you like AI or not, your still a fop!

Ra: (petrified)

E: There's only one way to solve this…(Punjab's Raoul until he becomes unconscious, and pulls his unconscious hand off his). Finally, peace and quiet….

(Later at the airport)

Ra: That was a short ride… I don't remember anything about the flight.

E: Yep, lets find our luggage (goes to rotating carousel).

Ra: This totally beats the salon chair! (Sits on conveyor belt) Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee! Try to catch me now Erik!

E: (looks hurriedly for luggage)

Police officer: Excuse me sir, but the carousel is not a toy.

Ra: He he he…

Po: Sir, please get off the conveyor belt.

Ra: Ha ha ha ha!

Po: (firmly grabs Raoul's shoulder) Sir, I'm going to have to escort you off the premises.

Ra: No wait…I'm rich. I'm rich I tell you I'm the vicotme de chagny!

E: (has finally found luggage and throws Raoul's luggage at the police officer) I'll meet you at the hotel…adios! (Smirks).

(Later at the hotel)

(Raoul and Erik stare at the queen bed in the middle of the room)

E: Why did you book us a suite with ONE BED?

Ra: I thought it would be like a fun sleepover! (laughs girlishly)  
E: There is no way I'm getting in that bed with you.

Ra: Well, life's not always fair.

E: Actually…

(10 minutes later Erik is sleeping comfortably on the bed, while Raoul is forced to sleep on the floor)

E: Good night fop!

Ra: (mumbles under breath)

(Later that night)

Ra: Christine…Christine!  
E: (shakes Raoul awake) WHAT WERE YOU JUST SAYING?

Ra: Christine.

E: WHY?

Ra: (not noticing how angry Erik is getting) I mean I still like her, can't I dream about her?

E: NO! Besides, there is no way any other man, but myself can touch Christine. She's very well protected.

(Miles away as the milkman is delivering the milk to Christine, his arm accidentally brushes hers, setting off a series of alarms, and causing a laser grid to surround her, as punjabs fall out of the sky at random. The milkman horrified runs away screaming.)

C: ERIK!

Ra: (falls back to sleep and starts to snore)

E: (sighs)

(The next morning)

Ra: Ready to go, today you'll meet the judges are you excited?

E: Yep (pulls on his black cape).

Ra: Maybe you should wear something more colorful, this is California after all!

E: (Looks at Raoul's Hawaiian print shirt with disgust) I'm fine.

Ra: Lets go then!


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Ok here is the first American Idol chapter, I had to ask my AI obsessed friend for some opinions on how to make fun of the show and stuff, and one of the things she said was that there were so many commercials during the show…which in the story I took a bit to the extreme. I start school soon, and have been really busy with pre- school stuff lately so this chapter will probably get better/funnier as the week progresses. Oh and if you have a specific song you want to sing just tell me, Erik for President I could change yours if you like. Don't worry other contestants; there will be another chapter coming soon with you guys in it. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own American Idol, any of the judges, or Ryan Seacrest. I also don't own the "Star Spangled Banner"

Ra: Ok, Big E here's what's going down-

E: Excuse me?

Ra: C'mon it's the cool way to talk…all hip young people talk like this.

Random Hip Young person: No we don't, what century are you from?

Ra: The -

Random Hip young person: Dude, it was a rhetorical question, get with the program. (Saunters off)

E: Oh yea…your sooo hip (rolls eyes).

Ra: (pauses for a second) So like meet me back here when it's all gone down, and don't forget to bring the bling! (Pops collar and walk off).

E: (sighs and walks into the studio)

Ryan: Hey! You must be the new celebrity judge, it's a pleasure to meet you I'm Ryan Seacrest! (Holds out hand for Erik to shake)

E: (stares blankly eager to meet the _real_ stars of the show)

Ryan: Great! Ok so lets start with a little tour and then you can meet the other judges.

(As the tour progresses Erik just stares in awe, and cannot believe the fact that he is in the American Idol studio, totally ignoring Ryan whose blabbering on about absolutely nothing trying to escape the fact that he is only the host, not that important and doesn't get paid like the rest of the others)

Ryan: (leads Erik into the main AI stage) These are the other judges you'll be working with! (Points to Paula, Randy, and Simon).

Paula: Hello! Aren't you handsome!

Randy: Yo! What's up dog?

Simon: (in stupid British accent) That mask is horrendous!

E: (fingers Punjab)

Paula: Oh be nice, I think the mask is quite lovely!

Simon: (rolls eyes)

E: It's such an honor to finally meet the judges!

Randy: Dog, it's a pleasure to have you with us dog.

Producer: Kay guys were starting now.

E: (confused) I'm not a dog!

(American idol theme music plays)

Ryan: Welcome to American Idol! I'm Ryan Seacrest, and boy do we have a show for you tonight…(once again blabbers off about nothing, until a security guard grabs him and drags him off stage) But I am important I really am!

(audience cheers)

Simon: Ok first up Erik for President, What kind of name is that?

Paula: A beautiful name!

E: President? Well I guess I could run….

Randy: So where are you from?

Erik for President: uh…Iceland

Simon: Iceland?

Erik for President: Iceland…although contrary to popular belief Iceland is really green and nice while Greenland is the one---(looks up and stops when she realizes no one's listening to her).

Erik: (randomly) Does anyone have gum?

Randy/Paula/Simon: No.

Random person in audience: I do!

(By the time the gum situation is figured out…for Erik cannot just chew one piece, Erik for President is clearly annoyed that everyone seems to have forgotten about her, and proceeds to doing the Macarena in the middle of the stage)

Paula: (finally remembers Erik for President) Oh, sorry hon' what will you be singing?

Erik for President: (stops immediately) I'll be singing the star spangled banner! Oh…say can you seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, by the dawns early light—

Random T.V announcer: We'll be right back after these messages from our sponsors!

(messages from their sponsors end)

Simon: Horrible! Horrible!

Audience:(angrily boos Simon)

Paula: Let her finish! Her voice is so amazing!

E: Do you ever say anything bad?

Paula: NOPE! (Does her annoying clap and smiles stupidly)

Simon: Absolute crap!

E: I actually thought she had a good tone and-

Randy: Not bad dog, not bad.

Erik for President: (whines) I didn't' even get to finish! What so proudly we hailed at the twilights last gleaming….

Simon: (yawns)

Random announcer on the T.V: Stay tune we'll be right back after a few more messages from our sponsors (segues into more commercials)

(commercials end)

Erik for President: (glares evilly at Simon) Whose broad stripes and bright stars were so gallantly streaming---(is interrupted by another commercial) Damn commercials! (curses under breath).

Paula: Wonderful Hon' you really have talent!

Randy: I thought it was good dog.

Simon: I have never heard anything worse in my life! (Audience boos at Simon).

Paula: Like you can sing any better (claps annoyingly).

E: Well, I think-

Ryan: (finally back on stage) Now that I've finally taken my medicine…I mean…umm…uh…our next contestant is little lemon!

Erik for President: (walks off to the side of the stage muttering and mumbling) I didn't even get to finish….

E: WAIT!

Audience and judges: What?

E: I'm the _Phantom of The Opera_! (Theme music ensues in background) I HAVE OPINIONS!

Randy: but—

E: SILENCE! Erik for President COME HERE!

Erik for President: (happily skips back on to the stage giddy with happiness to actually have been summoned by the phantom.) Yes?

E: (blissfully unaware of the phangirls/fanfic authors behind the stage and the millions of phangirls watching at home) I think that your voice is good, you're obviously not a trained singer, but I would be happy to teach you.

(Phanfic authors behind stage let out an enormous uproar of jealously, little lemon, leotabelle13, and phantomluvr even go as far as rushing out onto the stage with baseball bats, only to be subdued by a tranquilizer gun. Meanwhile phangirls at home throw tantrums and various objects at the T.V screen)

Erik for President: Oh… my… gosh…(faints)

C: (watching at home) That's it! (Runs to book a flight to LA).

A/N I hope you liked it the next chapter will be up as soon as possible! (I'm sorry if I'm referring to you as a "she" not a "he" or vice versa in any of the following chapters just tell me if it bothers you and I'll change it) Also, if your disappointed with this chapter please tell me if there are any ways I can make this chapter more funny…thanx!


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Ok my mom just told me that when school starts I can only do fanfiction stuff on the weekends (at first she wasn't going to let me go on at all), which means I won't be able to update that often, but I will find ways to get on I promise:). Also, I'm trying to get everybody into the chapters so please be patient. Little lemon I hope it's ok I involved you're infamous muse into the story :) Anyway, I really hope you guys like this chapter, and if you don't please feel free to give me as many suggestions as you like. ENJOY!

Disclaimer: I don't own American Idol, Phantom of The Opera or Gerry Butler for that matter (unfortunately).

Ryan: (stares at Erik for President passed out on the stage) All right then…lets welcome our next contestant little lemon!

E: (watches as a strangely familiar girl walks out onto the stage) Wait a second…OH NO! (ducks under desk)

Randy: Yo dog, are you ok dog?

E: It's her…from…from…the bowling alley…(looks down at clothes)…so crazy…wanted…clothes. (Goes into the fetal position).

Little lemon: Michele's back! Hello Erik dear did you miss me?

E: (silently rocking back and forth)

Little lemon: Gosh…your so _dramatic…_it's not like I attacked you or anything (thinks to herself) well…I guess I kinda did get into it…(stares into the distance obviously lost in her own thoughts).

Simon: (breaks silence) Good God you're bloody small!

little lemon: (sighs angrily) I KNOW…I get it OK, I'm short for my age… WHY CAN'T EVERYONE JUST DEAL WITH IT ALREADY?

Paula: What she lacks in size I'm sure she makes up for in character. (Smiles thinking she said something really intelligent).

E: (slowly inches back up onto his seat) ok…I'm ready…(glances nervously up at little lemon)

Little lemon: It's about time…anyway; I'll be singing _The Point of No Return._

E: No way, that's MY song and I will not let a crazy _little_ girl like you mess up the part that only Christine can sing!

Little lemon: (offended) Well I won't let someone who smells like _death_ stop me from singing my favorite song…SO SHUT UP!

E: (mutters to himself under his breath).

Little lemon: You have brought me…to this moment where words run dry…to this moment when speech disappears into silence…silence…I have come here…hardly knowing the reason why-

Random T.V announcer guy: We'll be right back after these messages!

(Commercials ensue)

(commericials finally end)

Simon: I have never heard anyone sing worse!

Paula: You have such a sweet voice dear.

Simon: Oh please, "sweet voice", yea about as sweet as a pig!

(Simon and Paula get into one of their many arguments; while Randy just sits there pretending this isn't happening _again_. Meanwhile, little lemon keeps eyeing Erik's clothes, as he once again goes into the fetal position not wanting to relive that day at the bowling alley.)

little lemon: I DIDN"T GET TO FINISH! WILL YOU ALL JUST-

Random T.V announcer guy: We'll soon return after a message from our-

Little lemon: I will _not _be interrupted again. WHERE'S MY MUSE?

(Kay Erik runs hurriedly onto the stage) Punjab the T.V guy!

Random T'V guy: Noooooooooooooooo! Have mercy, have- (falls limp).

Little lemon: Finally there is justice in the world once more! A world that will soon BE MINE! (Laughs manically).

Randy: Dog, you have serious problems I think you should be off the show.

(backstage VAvvy, opera.star, and Araiona Dubois let out a sigh of relief)

little lemon: This whole show is stupid anyway (glares at Erik) You haven't seen the last of me!(motions to Kay Erik) COME ON! (walks off the stage, ideas for a hostile takeover of the world running around her head).

Audience: (sits in shocked silence).

Ryan: Ok hopefully our next contestant will be a little more sane (laughs uncomfortably as the audience just stares at him)…ummm…please welcome VAvvy!

VAvvy: (walks out onto the stage as a mysterious wind blows through her black hair)

Paula: Oh you're so pretty!

E: I like the mysterious vibe going on, yay mystery!

Randy: So where are you from?

VAvvy: Does it matter? (Mysterious wind continues to blow through her hair)

E: Will someone please turn off that fan!

Fan operator guy: Sorry!

VAvvy: I thought you liked "mystery"!

E: C'mon it was soo obvious that it was a fan.

Paula: (looks at Simon who had been suspiciously quiet until this moment) What are you doing?

Simon: Knitting! (Holds up a half knitted sweater).

E: You're more random then the fop!

Ra: You mean me?

E: Eghad! What in operas name are you doing here?

Ra: Admiring the lovely contestant on stage (smiles dreamily).

VAvvy: Gross! Oh please, like I'd ever be interested in you…can I sing my song now! (Taps foot impatciently)

Ra: The ladies never did like me…

E: Maybe that's because you are one.

Ra: (slinks back into the shadows from which he came).

E: Weird.

Randy: Right, so lets let this lady sing.

Simon: (annoyed that he has to put his knitting away) Fine.

Paula: (smiling stupidly as always) I'm ready.

E: Yep proceed.

VAvvy: Finally… (lets out an exasperated mysterious breath)

Audience: (captivated by her mysteriousness)

A/N: yummm…did I ever mention to you guys how incredibly good cheese is? Yummm…it's so _cheesy…_oops my apologies eating cheese distracts me and I kinda got caught up in the moment, sorry VAvvy you can sing now.

VAvvy: I've only been waiting for like FOREVER! (clears throat) I'll be singing "Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again"

E: Hey that's the song Christine sang when I stalked her to her father's grave!

VAvvy: Aren't you the genius…ok…(takes deep breath) little lotte thought of everything and nothing…her father promised her that he would send her the angel of music…her father promised her…. her father promised her…you were once my one companion you were all that mattered- (and since little lemon had killed the random announcer guy, unlike the first two contestants she was able to finish the entire song without interruptions.)

Simon: (tries to think of something mean to say but comes up with nothing so he starts to knit secretly under the table, until he finally gives up not wanting Paula to kick him anymore) Your voice was a little raspy, you should work on that. (For once the audience doesn't boo him)

Paula: I love the whole bohemian look you got going in it's so cute! Oh. And your voice is good too.

Randy: Excellent.

(everyone stares at Erik wanting to know what he has to say).

E: ….uh…I like your voice it has a certain mysteriousness to it that makes it so captivating…I'm going to call you mystery from now on!

VAvvy: Why the heck do guys think I'm so mysterious? I'm not I'm just a normal non-mysterious girl!

E: Yea and I'm a normal, not crazy, non-disfigured opera ghost who does not live underneath the opera and does not stalk Christine wherever she goes.

VAvvy: (clearly annoyed) Whatever just call me and tell me when the finals are (a weird wind surrounds her as she disappears into thin air).

E: Cool, that beats my sound effects.

C: (at reception desk at Erik's hotel) Hi, can you tell me if the vicotme de changy is checked in here?

A/N: suspense What is Christine doing in LA? What is she planning? Oh and my apologies for the brief morbid ness when little lemon's muse kills the T.V announcer guy. Don't worry Simon will eventually be punjabbed.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Ok school's only been opened three days and I already know this, this school year is going to be so_ extremely_ hard…sorry I haven't updated but I've been so busy, I'm practically dreading Monday…but finally here it is the next chapter…however despite mounds of chem. homework I will put everyone in eventually…

Ryan: Well, lets hope our last contestant doesn't want to take over the world…here she is phantomluvr!

(audience stays quiet)

Backstage guy: Cue the applause sign! Turn on the applause sign dammit!

Applause sign guy: Oh sorry (flicks the switch and audience cheers loudly)

Phantomluvr: Well that boosts my self-esteem (rolls eyes)

Simon: I was going to humiliate you anyway.

Phantomluvr: (sarcastically) Thanks. (Whispers to faeriecatcher1) when is he going to be punjabbed again?

A/N: Don't worry later this chapter.

Phantomluvr: (smiles happily)

Simon: Punjabbed?

Phantomluvr: Just go back to your knitting.

Simon: Ok.

Randy: So tell us about yourself

Phantomluvr: Well I love _Phantom of the Opera _and-

E: Duh that's your name, not very creative are you?

A/N: Erik _do not_ make fun of the contestants! I like phantomluvr's name very much I mean anything with phantom and love in the same word is a good thing, you should appreciate the name…watch your mouth mister!

E: blah blah blah! (folds arms over chest)

Phantomluvr: Thank you faeriecatcher1…you know Erik, since she is _the author_ she could very well make Christine dump you and go back to the fop.

E: (unfold arms) Well when you put it that way…

Paula: So what will you be singing?

Phantomluvr: "Think of Me"

Randy: Cool dog.

E: Why is everyone ruining Christine's songs?

Phantomluvr: Can I start? I finally have my chance to be in a chapter and no one seems to care.

Simon: Please start then.

Phantomluvr: Think of me…think of me fondly when we've said goodbye…. remember be me…once in awhile please promise you'll try…when you find that once again you long…to… take… your… heart back and be free…if you ever find… a moment… spare a thought for me….

Paula: (claps annoyingly) Your voice is so beautiful!

Randy: I would definitely vote for you.

Simon: (not bothering to look up from his knitting) horrible.

Phantomluvr: (mumbles under breath) You won't be saying that after you have been punjabbed…(smiles evilly) _You_ weren't even listening! Everyone else thought it was great!

Simon: Was to, it's called multitasking!

E: Like writing threatening notes to the managers, while scaring the ballet girls?

Simon: Sure.

E: I'm hungry.

Paula: There's a wonderful staff buffet in the back if you like.

Randy: The food is real good dog.

Phantomluvr: Hello, I'm still here! Why doesn't anyone care?

E: (comes back with a plateful of food and starts stuffing his face) I care…

Ra: (pops out of nowhere) Squee! I'm back…and who are you? (eyes phantomluvr)

E: Stop checking out the contestants you fop!

Ra: I am not!

Phantomluvr: No one's paying attention and the fop likes me…wonderful (rolls eyes).

E: Listen Phantomluvr we do appreciate you and your talent…no one more so then I-

Phantomluvr: Really! (jumps up and down)

E: Oh did I say phantomluvr? I meant that janitor over there (points to Larry)

Larry: (gives a little wave back)

Phantomluvr: I can't take this anymore.

Ra: (still standing there staring)

Phantomluvr: If you want an affair go to Starry-Libra

Starrylibra: No, I want an affair with Erik! I wouldn't date the fop if he paid me his entire fortune.

Ra: (puts his money away sadly)

E: Well I guess Christine's not here… starts giving Starrylibra a massage.

Phantomluvr: So what's the point of me being in this chapter if I'm not doing anything?

Simon: (looks up from knitting and starts to make out with Paula)

Randy: Not again….

Araiona Dubois: Yay I'm French! HA! I bet no one else here could actually speak to Erik in French! I want escargot!

Ryan: Are you a contestant?

Araiona Dubois: Oui monsieur, je suis un concurrent.

Ryan: uh…¿como estas?

E: Wrong language you idiot!

Phantomluvr: Why is no one caring?

Starrylibra: A little to the left…

Paula: (still making out with Simon)

Randy: It's a lost cause dog…

Ryan: No, this is my only job, my talk show was a disaster and I will not let American Idol fail too. I am important I am! Now for our next contestant Araiona Dubois!

Phantomluvr: Oh look birdies! (Runs outside after birds)

E: She has a shorter attention span than Christine.

Starrylibra: You know Erik I do have to sing…

Araiona Dubois: There are no more Christine songs left for me to sing (frowns)….oh well I guess I will just have to act out the end.

E: Does anyone have a cheeseburger?

Paula: (stops making out with Simon) Go ahead dear.

Araiona Dubois: Have you gorged yourself at last in your lust for blood? Am I now to be prey… to your lust for flesh? (sings rests of Christine's part for the end)

E: Ummm so about that cheeseburger…

Starrylibra: I'll get it! (Drives to McDonalds).

Randy: You have a good voice Mademoiselle.

Paula: I totally agree! (Claps annoyingly)

Araiona Dubois: Merci!

Phantomluvr: (comes back looking saddened) the bird got away… so I'm going to release my anger by punjabbing Simon! Erik may I borrow your Punjab lasso?

E: Sure.

Starrylibra: Here's your Big Mac!

E: Yum! (Eats it in one bite)

Starrylibra: (stares admiringly)

Phntomluvr: It ends now! (tackles Simon)

Paula: Oh dear!

Araiona Dubois: I'm French! Je Sui Française! (skips around the stage)

Phantomluvr: (Punjab's Simon) Yay! I got to kill somebody fictionally! The Wicked witch of the west is dead!

Paula: (starts to cry)

Starrylibra: Oh Erik….

(It is at this point of the show where Christine walks in)

C: (eyes Starrylibra) WHO IS SHE?

E: uh…(pushes her off lap)

Starrylibra: (clearly offended) How dare you! (slaps Erik)

Phangirls at home: (attack their TV's)

Phangirls in audience: (Run onto stage)

(And so we leave the American idol studio in mass chaos)

A/N: Yes, I did take French 1 last year so I pretty much know all the basics, Araiona Dubois I actually understood your profile without the translation…Yay! But if I made a mistake in French please tell me I tend to forget things I learned a year ago (not a good habit)…. I hope you liked it…sorry it took s o long…more chapters to come! Yes everyone will be in the show, be patient please!


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Ok here it is the next chapter I tried to get to it last weekend but I had homework in every subject and a quiz as well as a project due on Tuesday…but alas I eventually got it done, here it is, enjoy!

Starrylibra: The force is with me! (Pulls a light saber out of nowhere, and starts to fend of the phangirls)

Randy: (cowers under the table)

E: (sipping a planet smoothie totally ignoring everyone) yum…twigs n'berries rock!

Ryan: (getting beaten with a bat for no apparent reason) So for our next contestant…ow!…uh…leotabelle13!

Leotabelle13: (walks quietly onto stage avoiding various flying objects).

Paula: (crying) so dear (sniffs) tell us about yourself (sniff)

Leotabelle13: ok but first I have to do something. (pulls out a Darth Vader costume and walks over to starrylibra) I am your father.

Starrylibra: (stares blankly)

A/N: I always thought the saying was Luke, I am your father, but as my star wars enthusiastic friend pointed out to me Darth Vader didn't address him as Luke, he just simply said I am your father. Ok back to the story….

Leotabelle13: (walks back over to judges.) Sorry…I've _always _wanted to do that. Well, I have a pretty wide range and-

Starrylibra: (comes to a startling revelation and shouts out randomly) Hey leotabelle13 we both have astrological signs in our names!

Leotabelle: Ok… Anyway, I'll be singing "Learn To Be Lonely"

E: leotabelle13 before you start I would just like to ask starrylibra to leave the premises.

Starrylibra: What? Why?

E; (starts to sweat) because once your…uh… done singing you must leave the stage… and never come back.

Starrylibra: (glances at Christine) Oh I see how it is…fine. Goodbye! (stalks off stage muttering words that go beyond this rating under her breath)

C: Good riddance! Wait… why am I here again?

Randy: Ok dog you can start.

Paula: (sniff) yes go ahead.

Leotablle13. Finally I've waited so long! Here we go: Child of the wilderness, born into emptiness, learn to be lonely, learn to find your way in darkness, who will be there for you--(pauses expecting faereicatcher1 to interrupt her song with pandemonium then continues) comfort and care for you, learn to be lonely learn to be your one companion, ever dreamed out in the world…(continues song until it is over and finishes with a sigh of relief)

E: Wasn't that song a deleted scene…oh and great job you have an exquisite voice!

Paula: Horrible, that's what Simon would say (blows nose into tissue).

Randy: I think we might have our winner. (Glances nervously around at the other phangirl fanfic authors) but who knows… we still have lots of other great contestants…(starts to sweat)

Little lemon: (falls out of random pipe followed shortly after by her muse) I TOLD YOU I'D BE BACK TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!

E: Not her again! (ducks under table).

C:I know came to LA for something….

(a rainbow and a leprechaun appear randomly appear)

Leprechaun: I followed my rainbow now where's me pot of gold?

Leotabelle13: Are you serious?

Leprechaun: (skips around the stage looking for his gold while singing a happy leprechaun song) LA LA LA LA LA! WHEEEE IM A LEPRECHAUN!

Leotabelle13: Ok, everyone's ruining my cameo! Little lemon no fair you were in a chapter already!

Little lemon: So?

Leotabelle13: So…buttons!

Leprechaun: Buttons me lass? (Starts singing a happy button song)

E: (In the midst of this further chaos, leotabelle13's anger, and the leprechaun's happy singing. Erik thinks back to when Christine singed him up for archery lessons because he has nothing better to do.)

E: You signed me up for archery lessons?

C: Yep and you start today, its at the old warehouse, go or you'll be late!

E: But… But I was going to kill the postman-(stops suddenly) I mean I was going to do something important today.

C: (gives a "why are we arguing about this?" glare)

E: Fine. (Reluctantly walks to the archery range.)

Teacher: Welcome class are you ready to learn archery?

Children: Yay!

E: (Broods in corner, very mad that Christine signed him up for the beginner class, filled with kids no older then 10, he is a genius after all).

Teachers: Ok first lets practice arrow safety, everyone get into partners (points to Erik) You can be with Jimmy (points to a little boy wearing his Tevas with socks and a collared shirt)

A/N: Not that there is anything wrong with that…

(The teacher hands out the bows and arrows)

T: Remember, the arrows are not to be called weapons they're a "shooting sport".

E: (quickly puts down the loaded bow he was pointing at Jimmy who is cowering in fear) uh…right.

(The class continues to go on, with Erik chasing around the little kids and using them as targets after which he ends up being banned from the archery club and goes home to Christine who as a punishment makes him eat spinach…without the airplane).

E: (shudders at the memory and looks around)

(Leotabelle13 is chasing little lemon, who is chasing the leprechaun, who is hitting Ryan with a bat.)

Ryan: (fighting off the leprechaun and little lemon) I am important I am! See I'll announce our...ow next contestant…Kathryn M.B Denson!

Randy: Wow that's actually a real name!

E: Yeah it's normal, but extremely long so I'm going to call you Kat!

Kat: (comes out looking all preppy) No, to get the full effect you must say the whole thing!

E: Whatever ok sing your song-

Little lemon: DIE LEPRECHAUN DIE!

Randy: (turns to Kay Erik) Is she always like this?

Little lemons muse Kay Erik: Yes unfortunately…(looks at little lemon) MICHELE!

Little lemon: (stops beating up the leprechaun and looks up excitedly) Yes?

Kay Erik: Come back here right now, what did that leprechaun ever do to you?

Little lemon: (hangs head) nothing…

Leprechaun: What a violent lassie…Hey I'll sing a happy song about violence!

E: (Rolls eyes)

Kat: Ok I'm going to sing "Angel of Music"…Father once spoke of an angel, I used dream he'd appear, now as I sing I can sense him an I know he's here…(spots a scuff on the studio floor) A stain! Oh no! (Wips out a mop like a gun) Mother says stains are evil!

Randy: Um obsess much?

Kat: I apologize for my behavior but mother always says if you see a stain your doing the world a favor by cleaning it up I'll continue. Here in this room he calls me softly somewhere inside hiding…somehow I know he's always with me…be the unseen genius!

Paula: Wonderful…(sniffs) but Simon would say it was horrendous!

Randy: No one cares what Simon would say dog he's not here…oh and I loved your voice!

Paula: (burst out into a sobbing fit)

Kat: Nice going Mr. Sensitive! (Goes over to comfort Paula).

E: I like it Kat.

Leprechaun: (counting his gold in the corner quietly)

Ryan: (glances around to make sure there are no more leprechauns appearing) Now let me present to you onelastchance! (a unicorn randomly appears) Oh for goodness sakes!

E: What does a unicorn have to do with anything? Isn't this story supposed to be about the contestants and the stupid things I do?

A/N: I love unicorns so if I want them in my fic then they get to be in my fic!

Onelastchance: A unicorn! (Mounts it and starts riding around the stage happily and decides to sing her song that way) I'll sing music of the night! Nighttime sharpens heightens each sensation…darkness stirs and wakes imagination silently the senses abandon there defenses…Slowly gently night unfurls it's splendor….

E: Now everyone's ruining _my_ songs!

Randy: She didn't ruin it I thought she did nicely; tone could have been better but an overall good job!

C: I know I came to LA for some reason…

Onelastchance: How come no contestants get to finish their songs?

E: Because I said so! (Takes bite of his newly made BLT.)

Onelastchance: Well then I'm suing! (Jumps off unicorn and stalks off to find a lawyer).

(And so to recap…Erik is eating, leotabelle13 is cursing at little lemon, Randy is just sitting there trying to be professional, Ryan is trying to seem important, little lemon is plotting to take over the world, Paula is crying, Kathryn M.B Denson is cleaning the stage, there is a leprechaun in one corner counting his gold, and a unicorn randomly prancing around the stage, while Christine tries to remember why she came to LA in the first place.)

A/N: Sorry I only got three people in, but there will be a lot more other chapters, um reviews are welcome, I probably won't be able to update for at least another week just to warn you, and have a nice day!


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: Look at this I managed to update even thought my last author's note said I wouldn't for a while. Today, due to an assembly for the lower grades my third period was an hour long. Therefore, my English teacher took the liberty of showing us an incredibly boring movie. Since I lost interest in about 10 seconds I decided to write a new chapter for you guys. I worked on it throughout the day including after my math quiz and am writing this authors note to you from chemistry.

Chemistry teacher: Pay attention!

A/N: Yay I got in trouble for you guys!

Ryan: this really is pointless, what is the point of continuing?

Paula: well, there are more people that need cameos.

Ryan: (looks around for anymore randomly appearing mystical creatures. Whether a leprechaun is mystical is debatable). Let's welcome our next contestant eriks-black-cape!

E: You know it's more of a really dark grey…

Eriks-black-cape: What? You wear dark grey? No way that cape is totally black.

E: No, Christine wanted me to change my color palette.

Eriks-black-cape: Oh yeah, black to really dark grey what a _drastic_ change.

E: I didn't have a choice. (pouts)

C: Oh stop whining and help me remember why I flew halfway across the country.

E: How should I know?

Randy: So eriks-black-cape, tell us about yourself.

Eriks-black-cape: I really like capes and I have one in every color.

C: Oh! I like her she's very unique.

E: And I am not? I'm the _phantom of the opera_! (Theme music ensues).

Eriks-black-cape: Capes set-aside can I sing now?

Paula: ok start.

Little lemon: Speaking of capes I want one. How can I be an evil dictator without a cape?

Eriks-black-cape: Sure, what color.

Little lemon: black duh.

E: How come she gets a black cape?

Eriks-black-cape: All right here you go. (a black cape appears).

Little lemon: I HAVE A CAPE!

EBC: so yeah, I'm going to sing "Twisted Every Way"

C: Does _anyone_ know why I came here?

A/N: No one on this chapter knows except for me, and since I'm not going to tell you, you have to figure it out on your own so STOP ASKING!

C: Ok…(walks over to talk to the leprechaun).

EBC: Twisted every way what answer can I give am I to risk my life to win the chance to live…can I betray the man who once inspired my voice…do I become his prey…do I have any choice…he kills without a thought murders all that's good I know I can't refuse and yet I wish I could…(finishes singing Christine's part).

E: (Eating once again and starts talking with his mouth open) Good…(chews) job!

Randy: am I allowed to give a bad review? (Glances nervously up at faeriectacher1) not that it was bad or anything.

A/N: Only Simon can give bad reviews, and he's been dead for two chapters.

Paula: Simon! (cries hysterically).

A/N: Oops…just ignore her.

Everyone in the entire studio except Kat: Ok

Randy: So it was really good in the end. Great job eriks-black-cape!

E: It's not black, its really dark grey.

EBC: Well, I'm not changing my penname to eriks-really-dark-grey-cape.

E: Why? It would be the correct thing to do.

EBC: But it sounds less cool.

E: Who ever said you were cool you're on fanfiction…does anyone know where I could get a Caesar salad?

Little lemon: What is it with you and food?

E: I like food…so kill me for it. (Hesitates before continuing) although not literally.

A/N: EVERYONE on fanfiction is COOL!

Ryan: Once again, I'm going to show you how important I am by introducing our next contestant meelzthegreat!

E: Why are you so great?

Meelz: So can I sing something now?

Paula: (sobs) What is your song?

Meelz: I don't know I just wanted to have a cameo.

Ryan: But it's American Idol you _have_ to sing a song.

Meelz: Listen up, there is a leprechaun in the corner, and a unicorn prancing around, I don't have to sing if I don't want too.

E: So…about that Caesar salad….

Meelz: YAY I'M IN A FANFIC! (sits down happily in the middle of the stage).

Ryan: Since it looks like meelzthegreat refuses to sing, let us introduce our next contestant Phantomlover2005!

Phantomluvr: (Mysteriously reappears) Hey, that's my pen name!

Phantomlover2005: Oh go cry about it.

Phantomlover05: (comes out from behind stage) Why is everyone stealing _my_ penname?

Phantomlover2005 and phantomluvr: _Your_ penname?

E: Looks like we have a penname discrepancy.

Randy: Way to point out the obvious genius.

E: I AM A GENIUS!

Phantomlover05: I thought of my name first!

Phantomluvr: Well, I thought of mine before you even started thinking about yours!

Phantomlover2005: I thought of mine before you even had the thought of thinking of yours!

Randy: Whoa.

(All 3 phantomlover's stare at each other and decide to form a cult).

Meelz: (continues to sit on the stage blissfully).

Phantomlover2005: Ok, now that we're in a cult what do we do?

Ryan: Phantomlover2005, you could start by singing the song you prepared.

Phantomlover2005: In that case I'll sing "Music of the Night"

Onelastchance: (walks confidently on stage with a lawyer at hand) I WILL SUE YOU ALL. AND YOU! (Points to phantomlover2005). I sang "Music of the Night" so _you _cannot!

Phantomlover2005: What are you going to do sue me?

Randy: That was an exceptionally dumb question.

Onelastchance: Why don't I just sue you all! (glances nervously at little lemon) except her.

Phantomlover2005: Why?

Onelastchance: Because she's crazy and when she takes over the world I want to be on he good side.

Little lemon: I HAVE A CAPE! WITH THIS CAPE I WILL TAKE OVER THE WORLD!

Onelastchance: Do you see my point?

Phantomlover2005: Exactly. So as I said I'm going to sing "Music of the Night".

Onelastchance: Although you did just agree with me I'm still suing you. (Gets started on the paperwork)

Phantomlover2005: Go ahead! Nighttime sharpens heightens each sensation…darkness stirs and wakes imagination silently the senses abandon there defenses…Slowly gently night unfurls it's splendor…(finishes song and rejoins the phantomlover cult)

A/N: I hope you liked it, I managed to get a couple more of you in, but I still have like 4 people to add so bear with me. Thank you all for being patient!


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: Whoa…sorry I haven't updated schools been getting crazier…but Yay! Here's the next chapter! And 55 Reviews! You guys are the best, thank you so much for reviewing; it really makes my day when I see a review in my email. YOU GUYS TOTALLY ROCK!

Erik for President: (wakes up) Whoa. How long have I been out?

Erik: (shrugs) I don't know a couple of hours.

Erik for President: (looks around at the unicorn, the leprechaun, little lemon, the Phantom lover cult, onelastchance and her lawyer.) looks like I missed a lot. What happened to Simon?

Phantomluvr: I punjabbed him!

Paula: (starts crying again)

Danielle: (enters stage) Hurray! I'm in a fanfic!

Ryan: (looks down his list of contestants) Are you an author?

Danielle: What?

Ryan: An author, do you have a penname here on fanfiction?

Danielle: Yeah…its…umm…Danielle4…0...897…5.

Twinkel22: I don't believe her! (Take her off the show!) It's my turn to sing anyway!

Erik for President: (looks confused) So why is there a leprechaun?

Little lemon: Does anyone know where my "How To Take Over The World in 20 Minutes" book is?

Erik's-black-cape: No.

Twinkle22: It's my turn to sing, can I sing? You know it's really rude how you treat the contestants ignoring them like this.

Phantomluvr: Then go join onelastchance.

A/N: Phantomluvr!

Phantomluvr: Oops, (rejoins cult and starts chanting something about really tight black pants.)

Twinkle22: No, I'd rather just sing, and I'll sing the phantom of the opera

E: WHY MY SONG?

Twinkle22: In sleep he sang to me… in dreams he came… that voice which calls to me and speaks my name…and do I dream again… for now I find the phantom of the opera is here inside my mind…(sings rest of song).

Randy: Awesome dog!

Erik: (folds arms over chest) I'm not going to respond.

Paula: (sniffs)

Danielle: So yeah…

Twinkle22: I'm joining onelastchance. (Together they form a suing cult.)

E: Why are all the contestants forming cults? It's really quite annoying, how come I'm not in a cult?

Phantomlover2005: Because your worshipped by cults.

E: Oh…so can we see our next contestant?

Ryan: Hey! That was my line you line stealer!

E: Stop trying to be important!

Kay Erik: You know Michele, you should be nice and ask if anyone else want to help you take over the world, you're not very polite.

Little lemon: Do you think I care?

Kay Erik: (gives stern glare)

Little lemon: Fine. Would anyone like to help me take over the world?

Studio: (goes quiet)

Little lemon: told you.

Kay Erik: (shakes head).

Phantomlover05: My turn to sing! LA LA LA LA!

Randy: Is that your song?

Phantomlover05: No. This is my song,

"Sing once again with me… our strange duet…. my power over you grows stronger yet…and thought you turn from me to glance behind…the phantom of the opera is there inside your mind…."(Finishes song because authoress is too lazy to write out all the lyrics).

E: (sighs in annoyance) why _my _part?

Randy: Good job dog.

Paula: Wonderful! (Back to her usual perky self now that she's gotten over the death of Simon.)

Danielle: I liked it a lot good job!

E: You're not a judge.

Little lemon: (randomly) BEHOLD MY ARMY OF EVIL DANCING BUNNIES! (Millions of bunnies start ballroom dancing on stage).

Ryan: You have got to be kidding me.  
E: All right who bought her the bunnies?

Kay Erik: I did. (immediately regrets admitting that as the whole studio glares at him.)

E: WHY?

Kay Erik: I don't know…(looks down)

Ra: Yay I'm in the story again! (Appears out of nowhere).

E: Why do you keep randomly appearing?

Ra: Cause' I'm a fop and have nothing better to do with my life.

E: True.

Danielle: What's a fop?

Twinkle22: HA! I knew she wasn't an author, _everyone_ on fan fiction knows what a fop is.

Ra: (notices rabbits) BUNNIES! BUNNIES! BUNNIES!( starts jumping up and down excitedly but when he tries to pick one up it karate kicks him in the face.) Ow….

Little lemon: Duh, why would I use an army of normal bunnies to take over the word?

Phantomlover05: You wouldn't.

Little lemon: Exactly, you get your name crossed off my execution list!

Studio: Execution list?

Little lemon: I mean…. grocery list?

Studio: oh ok…(find this answer perfectly reasonable for some reason and return to what they were doing).

A/N: Ok I only have two more people to put in and then…well we will see what happens…. but keep reading because next chapter you will find out why Christine came to LA! YAY RANDOMNESS!


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: Ok here's the next chapter, this is the last American Idol chapter but don't worry there will be many more chapters or should I just make a sequel? What do you think? … I hope you like it…enjoy!

C: I got it!

Erik for President: Got what?

Araiona Dubois: A cold?

Randy: A pimple?

Paula: A way to bring Simon back from the dead?

Little lemon: My book on "How to take Over the World in 20 Minutes"?

Ra: A sudden realization that you love me more than Erik?

C: (glares at Raoul) No.

Ra: Well you can't blame a fop for trying.

E: You're such an idiot.

C: Anyway, I just remembered one of the reasons why I came here.

Entire studio: (in anticipation) YES?

C: The first reason is because I miss Erik, and want him to get a job closer to home so I thought he could start giving the phangirls music lessons!

E: I missed you too, but Christine I've only been away for a day

seriously…. (Suddenly realizes the second part to Christine's statement) WHAT! (Glances around nervously at the phangirls who have dropped everything they were doing, and were now staring at him obsessively.)

C: I think it's such a perfect idea!

Entire studio: THAT'S IT? THAT'S THE CLIMAX?

C: Oh and I'm pregnant.

E: (stands up) PREGNANT? But that's impossible didn't you just have your period like two days ago?

C: Erik that information is personal! (Slaps him and Blushes) and no I just said that because it was he first excuse that came to my mind.

Phantomsecretlove: So I guess that means I won't be singing?

Randy: No, we'll finish up with the next two contestants.

E: (sits back down dumbfounded).

C: Yes, I suppose we can leave after the next two contestants.

Paula: Wow, the studio hasn't been this serious since faeriecatcher1 took over.

Ryan: (looks up hopefully) So that means no more randomness?

Reviewers: Awwwww.

A/N: I never said that…(grins evilly)

Reviewers: YAY RANDOMNESS!

Ryan: I hate randomness!

A/N: Oh do you?

(And at that exact moment peter pan and Tinkerbelle fly into the studio).

Peter: Would anyone like to know how to fly?

Danielle: ME!

Twinkle22: (clearly annoyed) You're not an author!

(and so the contestants line up for flying lessons)

Ryan: (clenches fists) So Pantomsecertlove, what will you be singing?

Peter: YOU CAN FLY! YOU CAN FLY! YOU CAN FLY!

Phantomsecertlove: Uh no, I'm going to sing Carlotta's part during Hannibal.

Randy: Ok dog.

Phantosecretlove: "This trophy from our saviors, from our saviors from the enslaving force of Rome! With feasting and dancing and song, tonight in celebration, we greet the victorious throng, returned to bring salvation! Bid welcome to Hannibal's guests, the elephants of Carthage! As guides on our conquering quests, Dido sends Hannibal's friends! The trumpeting elephants sound, hear, Romans, now and tremble!  
Hark to their step on the ground, hear the drums! Hannibal comes!"

E: You sing it much better then Carlotta (anxious to get the episode over with)

Randy: Great Dog.

Paula: Exquisite!

C: (starts saying her goodbyes to the leprechaun and promises that it can be the baby's godfather)

E: (refuses to let his baby's godfather be a leprechaun and watches humorously as the contestants throw themselves from the stage.)

Ryan: Finally, after all the pandemonium, the chaos and the _randomness_, here is our last and final contestant…Neeg!

Neeg: The best for last, the only problem is there are no more Phantom songs to sing.

C: What about "Wandering Child"? Erik wasn't that captivating?

E: (amusing himself by trying to Punjab Tinkerbelle) uh yeah sure.

C: You know when husbands find out their wives are pregnant they usually start to listen to them! (Cough) HINT! HINT! (Cough)

E: Hint? What's hint?

C: No stupid a hint.

E: Oh. (Stares at Christine) yes dear…that was very… captivating.

C: (rolls eyes).

Harry potter: (in British accent) Do you need help catching that snitch?

E: Oh this? (Points at Tinkerbelle) No but thanks anyway.

Harry: Suit yourself, now I have to battle Voldermort dammit.

E: Good luck with that.

Harry: Thanks; I'll be going now.

E: (chuckles) What a nice kid….

Neeg: Ok, "Angel or father friend or Phantom Who is it there, staring? Angel oh, speak  
what endless longings echo in this whisper! Yet your/the soul obeys Angel of Music!  
I denied you, turning from true beauty Angel of Music! My protector Come to me, strange Angel!"

Paula: Fabulous!

Randy: Excellent Dog.

C: Oh Erik, (sighs)

E: (eating again) good.

Neeg: Well, that went well, cya all later! (Casually walks off stage)

Danielle: You guys are boring; I'm going to find The Seven Waters Trilogy section. (Follows Neeg off the stage).

Ryan: (starts ending the show) Tune in next week for another episode of American---

Erik for president: Wait! What about the winner?

Ryan: Oh right ummm yeah…we are all winners?

Erik for president: Ahh C'mon that's cheesy!

Leotabelle13: Someone had to win!

E: (leaps off stage in an attempt to fly) Ow! You're a horrible teacher! (Yells at Peter for giving him bad instructions).

Phantom lover cult: (stares admiringly).

Star wars enthusiastic friend: (randomly appears) I'm so excited to be in a fanfic! I finally feel like I belong.

(Walks over to the phantom lover cult overly perky) Can I be a member?

Phantom lovers: No, your penname needs to have "Phantom lover" in it.

Star wars enthusiastic friend: Oh, (optimistically walks over to the suing cult) so can I join here?

Onelastchance: Do you have any reason to sue anybody?

Star wars enthusiastic friend: Uh no…

Onelastchance: Then No.

Star wars enthusiastic friend: (disappointed walks over to little lemon) Can I join you?

Little lemon: (looks up annoyingly) You want to help me take over the world?

Star wars enthusiastic friend: Sure, look I even have this pretty sparkly silver light saber!

Kat: She is way too peppy.

C: Erik we should go.

Little lemon and star wars enthusiastic friend: (stare at each other) TOGETHER WE WILL (cough) TAKE OVER THE WORLD!

Tweinkle22: Oh no…now there are two!

E: Bye your food was a pleasure!

C: (pinches Erik's arm)

E: and uh…so was meeting you.

C: (sighs)

What sort of silliness and chaos will my twisted mind come up with to befall Erik and Christine's life after having the baby?

A/N: Should I just keep adding chapters or should I write a sequel? decesions...decesions...


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: Sorry, to keep you guys waiting almost a week! But lately I have been in a serious mood, and have been updating my new serious fic Once Upon A Time. You should all read it. Anyway, I'm done with advertising…lol. …here is the next chapter!

Disclaimer: I do not own POTO or Wicked.

* * *

C: Erik, it's time (clutches stomach).

E: Time for what? (munching on cookies).

C: (face contorts in pain) the baby…

E: Oh…(crumbs fall out of his mouth) let me just finish these Oreo's…

C: ERIK!

E: Fine be that way (reluctantly puts down cookies) let's get this over with.

(in hospital delivering room)

* * *

Midwife: Breath! Breath!

C: (breathing heavily)

E: (munching on cookies he bought at the hospital, there suppose to be for the blood donors, but he doesn't care if they're low on sugar.)

Midwife: It's coming, the baby's coming….

C: (finishes labor)

Midwife: It's a girl!

E: (looks at baby in horror) Her face is atrocious, look at that deformity! Why?

C: (stares at the small lump on the babies face.) Erik it's just a bump.

E: WHY?

Midwife: It's atrocious! It's obscene! Like a froggy, ferny cabbage  
the baby is unnaturally… Green!

E: It has a deformity and it's green? (drops to knees) NOOOOOOOOOOO!

C: What? Wait, she's not _green_.

Midwife: What?

C: My baby is not green.

Midwife: Oh, sorry this isn't _Wicked_ is it?

C: No.

Midwife: My bad, (motions to other nurses) C'mon guys.

(midwives file out of room)

C: Why can't people ever get their fics right…(looks down at the baby) She's so beautiful, what should we name her?

E: How about Maud?

C: Maud? We're not naming our daughter _Maud_.

E: Why not? It's a perfectly acceptable name!

C: (ignores comment) How about Meg?

E: I'm not naming our daughter after a ballet rat!

C: She's my best friend!

E: Nope. I know (looks down at his chocolate cookie) how about Amber?

C: How pretty! What inspired you?

E: uh…(looks away from cookies) your beautiful eyes?

C: Awww, it's perfect. We can call her Amy for short.

Amber: (looks at Erik, then the cookies, and starts to cry)

C: (attempts to calm Amber)

(A couple days later they are back at the house)

C: (stares adoringly at Amber) this crib set is so perfect for her.

E: (stress in horror at the rose themed bedroom, conveniently matching the couch, wondering why he let her buy it.)

C: I'm going to go lay down, goodnight Amber. (Starts to leave)

E: (clears throat, clearly offended)

C: And you too Erik. (Leaves room).

E: (stares at Amber) Christine loves me more than you! (Sticks out tongue)

Amber: (stares innocently)

E: Oh don't give me that look you know what I mean.

C: (comes back in) Are you threatening the baby?

E: No…

C: Good. (Goes back to sleep).

E: (gives baby a knowing stare and follows Christine)

(Later that night)

Amber: Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

C: (asks sleepily) Can you get that Erik?

E: Do I have choice?

C: Nope.

E: Why?

C: Because you didn't suffer through 8 hours of labor.

E: Whatever. (Walks to baby's room) Amber are you ok?

Amber: (stops crying and gurgles) gggssgsgs…

E: You are adorable aren't you? My precious daughter…(smiles)

Amber: (throws a rattle at Erik's head and giggles).

E: Let it be war upon you! (Turns with a swish of his cape).

C: How was she?

E: (mumbles) just great.

C: I can't wait till tomorrow; our first full day with Amber isn't it exciting?

E: Thrilling…

Amber: (giggles manically, taking after her father quite well).

* * *

A/N: Sorry it's kinda short but I really hope you guys like it! 


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: There isn't really much to say... sorry it's a little short…. but I hope you enjoy!

Amber: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

C:(rubs eyes) what time is it?

E: (mumbles and looks at clock) 8: 00am.

C: Well, I'm going to get Amber dressed. Can you make breakfast?

E: Sure how hard can it be…(gets up slowly).

(10 minutes later the smoke detectors start blaring)

E: (stares blankly at shriveled up lump in front of him).

C: Erik, what's wrong? (Looks at his attempt to make pancakes) Oh dear…here entertain Amber. I'll…uh…finish up.

Amber: (pulls at his hair)

E: Ow!

A: (giggles)

E: (sniffs air) Whew…what's that smell?

C: Oh, I haven't changed her diaper yet can you?

E: ok…(puts Amber on changing table)

A: (stares up innocently)

E: All right…(takes a diaper out) lets see…(folds the diaper into a swan) nope that's not it…

A: (enjoying his frustration)

E: (tries several more times to put the diaper on, but to no avail) Why can't I figure this out! There must be directions somewhere….

C: Breakfast is ready!

E: Be right there…(stares hopelessly at the diaper) uh Christine?

C: Yes? (Peaks head in)

E: I couldn't figure out how to put on the diaper. (Looks down)

C: Erik, you're supposed to be a genius!

E: Well the book might have stretched that a tiny bit…

C: Oh Erik, let me finish up here. Eat your breakfast before it gets cold.

E: (walks out of room guiltily)

(3 hours later)

(Doorbell rings)

C: Erik can you get that?

E: Sure, (opens door) WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!

Little lemon and phantomluvr: Christine asked us to come over and help with the baby.

E: You are not going anywhere near----

C: Hi girls! Come on in, Amber is in the living room.

Phantomluvr and little lemon: Thanks Christine! (Push past Erik and make there way to the living room).

E: Are you not aware little lemon is trying to take over the world, and that phantomluvr is in a cult?

Kay Erik: She needs the money for weapons of mass destruction.

C: See Erik, they just need to make some money.

E: FOR WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION?

C: If that's what she chooses to spend it on.

Kay Erik: I'll pick them up before dinner.

C: Thanks! (Closes door). Erik, you didn't think I could take care of this baby all by myself did you?

E: (shakes his head) WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION?

C: Until you learn how to take care of a baby, I need all the help I can get.

E: (starts reading How to Take Care of A Baby For Dummies furiously).

Amber: (cooing happily)

E: (thinks to himself) I need to get them out of my house.


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: I'm sorry the chapters are so short, but I just wanted to split the story up a little more…I hope you don't mind. Oh and the "Music of The Night" Erik sings is an old version, the original, original song, so it's kinda different. I prefer this one a lot to the others, sorry Gerry…anyway here is the next chapter, I hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own POTO (although it saddens me to say so)

* * *

(Doorbell rings again)

E: (puts down his book and opens the door).

Ra: Hi Erik! I just wanted---

E: (slams door and continues reading his book).

C: Who was it?

E: No one important.

Ra: (foppily tapping on the door) Christine! Christine!

C: What was that?

E: (shrugs) the wind.

C: Ok, I'm going to make dinner. Can you check on the girls?

E: But I've just gotten to a really exciting part!

C: Erik!

E: Gosh, you are so bossy today. (grumbles and reluctantly walks into the living room).

Little lemon:…and that's how you become an evil dictator.

Phantomluvr: (sees Erik enter the room) Hi Erik!

E: Why were you teaching Amber how to become and evil dictator?

Little lemon: I think it's something every child should know.

E: WHAT KIND OF SICK MIND DO YOU HAVE?

Little lemon: Apparently a weird one.

E: It was a rhetorical question.

Phantomluvr: Can you sing for us?

E: (annoyed) No!

C: Erik I think It would be lovely!

E: I hate being out numbered by all these women!

C: Then why don't you spend some time with Raoul?

E: Because that would defeat the whole purpose.

C: (rolls eyes).

E: Ok, umm…. how about I sing "Music of the Night"?

Phantomluvr and little lemon: (nod their heads, not believing their luck)

Amber: (coos)

E: Nighttime sharpens, heightens each sensation, darkness stirs and wakes imagination…. silently the senses… abandon their defenses; helpless to resist the notes write…(sings rest of song and opens his eyes, finding a random assortment of forest animals in the living room). What the---?

Phantomluvr: There are exactly 2 foxes, 3 deer, 5 rabbits, and 7 birds.

E: (sarcastically) That doesn't help the situation.

Amber: (playfully swatting at a robin).

C: They must've been drawn to your beautiful voice.  
E: What am I a Disney princess?

Little lemon: (snickers)

E: How do I make them go away? (Looks down in horror as a bunny jumps into his arms)

Little lemon: Maybe I can train these animals, and add them to my army of dancing bunnies!

C: How sweet!

E: SWEET?

Kay Erik: Hello, I'm here to pick them up.

E: Oh thank you! Thank you! (Hugs Kay Erik) How'd you get in?

Kay Erik: (face turning blue from the strength of Erik's hug) I'm an Erik too you know.

E: (releases Kay Erik from hug) Right…

Kay Erik: (shuffles the girls out the door and down the street).

E: Finally! What's for dinner? And where are we going to put these animals? (motions to the animals wandering around the room).

C: I don't know think of something…I'm going to feed Amber, and then I'll put dinner on the table.

E: Shoo! Shoo! (Tries to shoo the animals out the door)

Animals: (stare blankly).

E: (makes menacing face) LOOK AT HOW MENACING I AM! WHOOOOOOO!

Deer: (starts nibbling on his cloak).  
E: I know…(Walks out the door and all the animals follow) Good! (Comes in and bolts the door eight times). Finally, a nice quiet dinner….

(Doorbell rings for the third time)

E: (unbolts the door) It better not be….

Erik for President: Hi! Christine asked me over to help her with dinner. Am I too late?

E: (sighs in defeat) No, come on in.

C: Oh hi Erik for President, can you help me set the table?

Erik for President: Of course!

(Erik for president puts down three place settings, and they all sit down to eat.)

E: (stares at Christine)

C: (stares at Erik for President)

Erik for President: (stares at Erik) Um, can you pass the butter please?

E: NO I WILL NOT PASS YOU THE BUTTER! MWHAHAHAHAHA!

C: (glares)

E: I mean…sure.

(and so we leave them in a very awkward dinner).


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: Sorry I haven't updated in like three weeks, but I've been having some major writers block, and my homework load hasn't been helping that much either. So I did what I usually do when I can't think up a next chapter. I write a story on a completely different topic, and I kind have been caught up with that. Alas, I am back and I hope you enjoy!

_For years have passed, and Amber is growing into a perfect little girl. She has black hair and pale skin like her dad, and blue eyes like her mom. Amber is also insanely smart for her age (just like her father when he was that young), and is considered a child prodigy. On a worldlier note, little lemon has conquered Latvia (I told her too so she can force feed all the models and make them a normal size) North America, Mexico and Canada. She now has her sights set on conquering Europe._

C: Here's your oatmeal honey.

A: This is accepted most graciously mother.

C: Uh…. you're welcome? (Hands a bowl to Erik).

E: Ewwwwww! This has strawberries in it! (Folds arms in disgust) I am so _not_ eating this (broods).

A: Please father, if you don't like the strawberries, then simply take them out of your oatmeal. It's not that complicated you know.

E: (in a mimicking voice) its not that complicated you know.

C: Erik! She's just trying to give you some advice.

E: BUT SHE'S FOUR! (Looks down at oatmeal) and I was going to that anyway…

A: No you weren't.

E: Was too!

A: Was not.

E: Was too plus infinity and one! (Smiles smugly).

A: Was not plus infinity _plus_ googolplex _and_ 2. (Gives Erik the evil glare she inherited from him.) Beaten again father I'm afraid.

E: But…. But…(becomes speechless).

C: (sighs) Amber, please don't upset your father like this.

A: Sorry mother (gives innocent smile) May I be excused?

C: Of course love (kisses her on cheek).

A: I'm going to read more of my encyclopedia! (Runs off).

E: Not fair. You can't let her off that easy!

C: She was only tying to help.

E: I HATE BEING OUTNUMBERED!

C: (ignores comment). Erik, can you build that swing set for Amber? The pieces came today, and you just have to follow the instructions.

E: Why couldn't I just design one myself? My designs are a million times better then those (points at box of pieces accusingly.)

C: Well, Amber liked that one.

E: Well I don't.

C: Well… you're just going to have to deal with it like a _mature _adult.

E: (offended) I am mature! (Quickly hides his Yugi-oh cards).

A: (re-enters the kitchen) Daddy, can I have a new encyclopedia?

E: No.

A: Why not? I thought you and mom said that you would embrace my thirst for knowledge, so as to nurture my well-being.

E: (stares blankly).

A: In simpler terms—

E: I'm not that stupid, I know what you said! _I'm_ the adult here!

A: You just keep telling yourself that.

E: How dare you-

C: Is everything ok?

A: Daddy is restraining my academic abilities again.

E: I am most certainty not---

C: (sighs) Ok, lets go to the bookstore (picks Amber up).

A: YAY! (Peers over Christine shoulder and smiles smugly at Erik).

E: (scowls)

C: Erik, while were gone start on that swing-set.

E: Whatever (picks up box and trips over Amber's teddy bear).

A: (giggles).

(2 hours later)

C: That doesn't look like the picture on the box.

E: It's better. (Stares proudly at the Eiffel tower model he built).

C: (stares in disbelief) It's not even a swing set.

E: SO?

A: (starts crying) I want my playground!

C: Erik, please change it.

E: But the Louvre has already bought it!

C: I don't care if the prime minister wants to buy it, fix it!

E: Fine.

A: (happily skips off to read her new book).


	18. Chapter 18

A/N: Hi everyone, sorry for the long absence, I was having **major** writers block and school has been so crazy, especially my chemistry honors class…. whew…ever since first marking period ended they've gone crazy with a workload. So I hope this chapter will do. I have a lot of new ideas so more chapters should be coming shortly. I apologize for not updating. I will really try to do better. I hope you don't mind that this chapter is a little short. I also just wanted to say that EVERYONE WHO HAS REVIEWED MY STORY ROCKS! I LOVE YOU GUYS! Enjoy!

A: (throws screwdriver at Erik)

E: Ow!

A: My deepest regrets father, I was performing a science experiment.

E: By throwing a screwdriver at my head?

A:I wasn't aiming for you daddy; I was aiming at that stand behind you.

E: (suddenly notices target directly behind him).

A: It's not my fault you got in the way. It's physics, you see---

E: I DON'T CARE! Let me work on _your_ playground in peace.

A: Fine, I do not know why you act so _immature_ in such _silly _situations.

E: (shakes his head in disbelief).

C:(enters workroom)Guess what Amber?

A: What?

C: I've decided that you can have the party here!

A: How wonderful!

E: Party?

A: My birthday party daddy.

C: Erik, you didn't forget Amber's birthday did you?

E: uhhhh…No…

C: (glares)

E: No really, I knew.

C: (rolls eyes)

E: So we're holding it here…

C: Yep. About 20 of Amber's closest friends will be here.

E: We are not inviting little lemon.

A: (whines) Why? I love little lemon!

E: She's an evil dictator who has almost taken over the world, NO.

C: I don't see a reason why she can't come.

E: Why me? (Faints girlishly).

(Day of party. Little lemon arrives with the phantomlover cult closely in tow)

E: (stands guard at the door)I will not allow you to come in this house—

C: Hi girls! (pushes Erik aside and ushers the girls in) We're waiting in the living room for all the guests to arrive. We'll start the games right away.

(a few minutes later a piñata is set up)

E: Are you sure it's a good idea to blindfold 5 year-olds on a sugar high, give them a bat, spin them around, and then let them go?

C: I don't see what could go wrong.

A: I shall go first since I'm the birthday girl!

C: Ok honey!

Little lemon: just wait 'till I get that bat…(snickers menacingly)

E: (glances nervously around and desperately tries to save his precious inventions as Amber swings the bat around randomly almost impaling him in the face.)

(Amber has no success)

C: Ok who's next?

E: You mean they all get to go? (Tiredly looks at room filled with 5-year olds just waiting to cause havoc.)

_Finally after all the girls have gone and basically destroyed the living room, (except for little lemon, Erik refused to give her the bat and used his height to his advantage) and the phantomlover cult has basically taken everything Erik has ever used, it is time for pin the tail on the donkey._

E: We're giving them sharp objects now? I don't understand how these are kid games, they seem so dangerous.

Little lemon: YAY SHARP OBJECTS!

E: (ignores little lemon) I've never played these games before aren't they just teaching kids violence?

C: Of course you never played these games, unlike my wonderful happy childhood with my loving father; your mom hated you, and you had no friends.

E: (sarcastically) Thanks for being so sensitive. (Dodges a pin).

C: It's almost time for cake everyone!

5-year olds (with pins): (scream at the top of their lungs) YEEEEEEAHHHHHHHH!

E: Are you kidding me? More sugar? (broods in a corner).


	19. Chapter 19

A/N: This chapter has nothing to do with the rest of the story. Little lemon and I just thought it would be funny to come up with rules for her new world order. I hope you enjoy!

T.V announcer: We now bring you little lemon's new rules. (Document flashes on the screen).

THE REALLY, REALLY, REALLY IMPORTANT DOCUMENT THAT HAS ALL OF LITTE LEMONS RULES, REQUIRED OF THOSE UNDER HER NEW WORLD ORDER:

Every Thursday of every third month will be Erik appreciation day. It is required that all citizens must wear shades of black, red, white or a combination of all three. All must know the significance behind these colors. Failure to comply will result in a disaster beyond your wildest imagination.

Hugh Panaro is required to walk around shirtless for the rest of his life. Little lemon shall not be questioned as to why. Questioning little lemon will result in being attacked by her army of dancing bunnies. Finally, Hugh will be forcibly returned to playing the Phantom in the Broadway cast.

Gerry Butler is also required to follow the same procedures as Hugh. EXCEPT playing the phantom on Broadway. However, he is required to say "intoxication" every Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Sunday, on national television.

All must remember Gerry and Hugh 4 eva.

Educational programs about _The Phantom of the Opera_ will be shown periodically and all citizens must take a test every 5 years.

IF YOU DISLIKE THE PHANTOM YOU ARE ALLOWED TO ENJOY _WICKED_ BUT NO OTHER BROADWAY PLAY SHALL BE PERFORMED.

TV announcer: we now return to your periodic showing of our Phantom educational video. (An equation flashes onto the screen)

**Fop + vicotme equals Raoul**

Little lemon: Repeat after me children, Raoul is a fop.

Brainwashed little kids: Raoul is a fop.

Little lemon: (laughs manically)

A/N: We're so crazy! Don't you love it?


	20. Chapter 20

A/N: All right here's a new chapter. Even though technically the holidays have passed and/or are coming to a close I would like to say HAPPY HOLIDAYS everyone! This is my present to you guys for faithfully reviewing. I hope you enjoy! Also for the next few chapters there will be a mini story unfolding about Megan and Michele's quest to find Hugh Panaro.

* * *

Mi: The majestic Theatre. (Stares admiringly).

Me: All right according to this (points to stolen map) the performers should be exiting there. (Points to a small door).

Performers: (start to file out)

Mi: One, two…(Megan and Michele tackle an actor who they assume is Hugh)

Actor they think is Hugh: AGGG!

Me: Wait you not Hugh!

Howard: I'm the new actor for the 2005 cast list! Please leave me a lone! This is the second time today I've been attacked.

Mi: Well, why are you wearing your costume outside?

Howard: (shrugs) It makes me feel. …Mysterious…. (Giggles girlishly)

Me: (comes to sudden realization) THEY TOOK HUGH OUT?

Mi: WHY? WHY?

Me: EVERYTHING I KNOW IN THE WORLD IS ENDING!

Mi: I think I am going to go hit myself on the back with a stick, like in that _Black Robe_ movie.

Me: (gets angry gleam in eye) We must find Hugh!

Mi: You can run but you can't hide HUGH PANARO!

Howard: Should I be concerned?

Mi: Not unless it was you who forcibly took Hugh off the cast list as you desperately craved for the attention you thought you deserved.

Howard: Then I guess that's a no.

Me: I'll use our Hugh/Gerry tracking device to find out where he went.

* * *

C: Erik honey, get ready we're going out.

E: What! (Drops "How to Defeat a Crazy Dictator in 5 Simple Steps").

C: I wanted to go out to dinner.

E: You know I don't like public places.(broods)

A: C'mon daddy! I'm coming too.

E: In that case, please oh please don't make me go! (Grovels)

C: ERIK! Amber is your daughter!

E: Sorry (looks at ground) Where are we going?

C: Fujiyama Mama.

E: Fuji---what?

C: It's a Japanese restaurant; they cook right in front of you and do all these cool tricks.

A: Hibachi!

E: uhhh….

C: (ignores Erik's blank stare) All right lets go!

(they drive to the restaurant)

E: (stares captivated at waterfall on the glass door)

A: (rolls eyes)

Waitress: Three?

C: Yes, please.

E: (notices menus) cool menus!

C: (rolls eyes)

E: Would you people stop rolling your eyes!

A: (giggles)

(After they have finally given their orders the hibachi chef comes out and does cool flippy tricks with the spatula)

E: Wow, look at those cool flippy tricks he's doing with the spatula! Hey they have sushi!

A: Talk about short attention span.

E: (eyes chopsticks)

C: (holds hers perfectly)

A: (holds her perfectly)

E: What are these?

C: Chopsticks.

E: (gives blank stare)

C: It's what Japanese people use to eat.

E: I like forks better.

A: I'll teach you how to hold it daddy.

E: NO I CAN DO IT! (Pitifully attempts to hold chopsticks and gets extremely angry when he can't pick up his chicken.) CURSE YOU!

A: Daddy first hold it like a pencil----

E: I TAUGHT YOU THAT!

A: Then how come you can't do it?

E: Well…. LEAVE ME ALONE!

C: Erik lets calm down.

E: Fine. (Takes one chopstick and stabs his food, and finding this to work happily eats his chicken.)

Waitress: Here's some friend ice cream.

E: Fried ice cream? EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

A: Its quite delicious father.

E: (mimickingly) Its quite---

C: Stop mimicking amber!

E: Stop mimicking----

C:ERIK!

E: Hehe.

* * *

A/N: sorry its short! 


	21. Chapter 21

A/N: HEY EVERYONE! I am SO sorry I haven't updated in like 6 months but time has just gotten away from me. However, I'm back now and will be updating all my stories as often as I can. I missed you guys! Sorry if it's kind rusty, but I haven't written this story in so long, I have so many new ideas!

* * *

A: Mommy look I lost a tooth! 

C: Congratulations sweetie! Put it under your pillow and then the tooth fairy will come! (Claps hands)

A: Mother, please, it is scientifically impossible for there to be a tooth fairy.

C: Says who? (puts hands on hips)

A: Says every scientist that ever existed.

C: Well, _I_ say it is possible, you'll see.

(Later that night while Amber is fast asleep, Christine wakes up and then shakes Erik repeatedly until he does the same)

E: NO I WON'T SUCOMB TO THE FRENCH FRIES!

C: Erik, its just me.

E: Oh.

C: (sighs) We need to prove to Amber that the tooth fairy is real.

E: You have fun doing that, I'm going to go back to sleep.

C: No you see, I need you to do it.

E: Me? But you're the female!

C: Yes, but I feel you're not involved in her life as much as you should be so here ( shoves a pink tutu and fairy wings into his hands).

E: (folds arms over chest) There is absolutely _no_ way I'm wearing this.

(5 minutes later)

E: I can't believe I am wearing this.

C: (biting her lip trying not to laugh) Here's a franc, now go put it under her pillow.

E: (sulks out of the room and mumbles to self) Well at least Nadir can't see this…(slowly creeps into Ambers room) Ok, c'mon Erik, got to put those magician skills to work. Put it under her pillow without her waking up. (Carefully leans over to put the franc under her pillow but then loses his balance, and tumbles down on top of Amber).

A: AHHHHHH! Attack my army of rabid ducks!

E: What the….HOLY CRAP! (Sees the advancing horde of ducks and runs out of her room and out the door).

C: (enters Amber's room) Amber don't be scared it was just your father.

A: Oops. Retreat my minions! (Ducks slink back into the shadows) Do you like them mother? They were a gift from little lemon.

C: They are very…nice, now do u know where your father went?

A: I think he ran outside.

C: In his tutu and wings?

A: I think so.

(Somewhere over the rainbow…er I mean Paris)

E: I try to do something nice and I get attacked by rabid ducks (kicks a stone).

R: (recognizes Erik) Hey Buddy!

E: What the hell are you doing walking the streets of Paris at 3:00 in the morning? Oh wait never mind, do I really want to know?

R: Well, it depends on what you were doing.(smiles smugly).

E: I am the phantom of the opera (theme music ensues) I am supposed to sneak around at night.

R: It's more early morning really….

E: Wait, why are you wearing a tutu?

R: I wear them often; they make me feel all pretty inside.

E: cricket cricket

R: (smiles stupidly) What's your excuse?

E: What do you mean? (Looks down in horror and realizes he never took the tutu or wings off) So that's why everyone was taking pictures, fabulous.

Little lemon: (drops out of nowhere) BLACKMAIL! (Kay Erik falls behind her, and little lemon turns angrily) You _always _ruin my entrances!

Kay Erik: It's not my fault!

Little lemon: Do you at least have the camera?

E: (watches silently)

Kay Erik: Yep.

Little lemon: Did you take the lens cap off?

Kay Erik: No.

Little lemon: You are impossible! (Takes pictures of Erik) Now that that's done, I have to go conquer Austria and make them all eat dairy (she and Kay Erik disappear).

E: (sighs) I HATE FANICTION!

Faeriecatcher1: I wouldn't say that if I were you.

E: Why?

Faerieicatcher1: Because it's suddenly daylight and you don't have any pants on.

E: (looks down) CURSE YOU!

Faeriecatcher1: It's good to be back.(leans back in computer chair and falls over)_ NO ONE_ SAW THAT! (glares at her dog zoe).


	22. Chapter 22

I'm sorry if you don't watch _24_ because if you don't you probably won't get this chapter. Yet, since this is my most favorite show ever I had to include it in a chapter. For all you _24 _fans I hope you enjoy! I'm going on spring break next week so they'll be some time before the next chapter. Here's so background for those who aren't familiar.

* * *

Vladimir Bierko: head Russian terrorist.

Christopher Henderson: Ugly/evil

President Logan: stupid/evil

* * *

C: Honey, we're having some people over for tea.

E: I hate people.

C: Oh, look they're here!

E: Thanks for the warning.

C: (opens door) Vlad!

Vlad: (in fake Russian accent that sounds British) Hello.

Little lemon: (drops from the ceiling and Kay Erik falls with a thud behind her) Would you get it right already! I can't be evil if you keep tripping in the background.

C: (closes front door and hears a thud)

(Re-opens door and find President Logan smashed into the other side)

C: Couldn't you ring the doorbell?

President Logan: I'm too stupid….(pause) but I am evil.

E: You're too stupid to be evil.

Pl: Yeah well that's what everyone else thought…. Hey look buttered rolls!

Vlad: Get your own! (President Logan and Vlad start shooting at each other)

Gerry Erik: I'm too pretty to die!

E: Where the hell did you come from?

G: I appear randomly sometimes it's bad habit.

E: (stares blankly)

(Doorbell rings)

E: (answers) whoa you are creepier looking then me.

Kay Erik: or me.

E: (glares) did I ask for your opinion?

Kay Erik: No…

Gerry: or me.

E: What is this a frickin' chorus?

Chris: Give me a break I'm like super intoxicated with poison crap, that CTU injected into me.

E: sure, and I got caught in a fire.

Chris: (ignores Erik) Vladdy my man what's up? OMG Lo how are you?

President Logan and Vlad: SUP!

C: Do you know if Jack is coming?

Vlad: He's out with Audrey.

Chris: I always knew those two would get together. I met my wife on one of those dating sites.

Vlad: Yeah, I tried that once, they paired me with this creepy 15 year old girl.

Little lemon: THAT WAS YOU? WE'RE SOULMATES!

Vlad: (slaps forehead) Oh goodness! I need to go back to Russia.

Little lemon: I already took over Russia…DUH.

Kay Erik: yeah duh!  
Little lemon: no one asked you.

Kay Erik; No one cares about me…I'm such a phantom.

PL: I do.

(Awkward silence)

Kay Erik: Did I mention I'm straight?

PL: No wonder my wife is crazy.

(Amber walks in)

A: How'd the centox go?

E: Amber go back to your room.

A: (whines) why?

E: Cause there are too many evil people here.

C: Here's the entertainment!

E: What the…

Raoul: (walks in) Hey! Hey!

E: _HE'S _SINGING?

R: (music plays and in a deep loud voice he sings) I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, too sexy yeah…(starts unbuttoning shirt)

C: (giggling)

E: AHHHH! I'm scared for life!

A: (writing down notes)

V: Is this what you American's do for fun?

Chris: I'd rather fork out my own eyeballs and then eat them then listen to this.

(Everyone gives blank stares)

E: That was morbid…what are you still doing here Amber?

A: Raoul's perfect for my "Fop" studies research paper I'm doing.

E: I need to get out more.

C: Who wants honey!

Vlad/Chris/PL: We do! Oh boy!


	23. Chapter 23

A/N: Ok, so I guess this chapter might be a filler and not as funny, but I just wanted to get another chapter up before school starts again, b/c once it does I will have no time to do anything, my workload is insane this year. But I hope you enjoy it anyway. Saw POTO on Broadway for the second time two months ago for my b-day. We were three rows from the front it was so awesome. I embarrassed myself by being the first one in the entire theater to stand up when Howard came out to take a bow. Also, Jack Bauer is the lead character in 24 for whomever doesn't watch it, which you totally should! Enjoy the chapter!

Disclaimer: I do not own 24 in any way. Jack Bauer, Vladimir Bierko, President Logan, and Chris Henderson(as seen in the previous chapter as well) are not mine and belong to the Fox television network.

C: I think we should open a gelato shop.

E: WHAT? WHY?

C: Because it would be such a good investment, and who doesn't like gelato?

E: (glares)

C: Ok never mind don't answer that.

E: We don't need investments! We're set for life with all the money I got from the managers!

C: I think it would be fun.

E: Well I don't.

C: Too bad I already bought a place and fixed it up.

E: So why did you even bother asking me?

C: I don't know actually, it's not like you even listen to me anymore.

E: What? I listen to you just fine!

C: Then what did I just say?

E: (starts playing with his cuff links) I dunno.

C: ERIK!

E: uh…I mean something about a gelato shop?

C: (sighs before continuing) We're all going to be servers as well, I have THE cutest uniforms!

E: (looks up indefinitely) Did you say something?

A: (enters room) Mother, can I work in the Gelato shop?

C: No honey, 6-year-olds don't work.

E: I think she should, I had to work when I was 6.

C: Well, there are child labor laws now it's illegal.

E: No one ever cut me slack. (mopes)

A: Fine. Can little lemon at least use the ice cream place as a cover for her operation to take over France?

E: NO!

(Doorbell rings and Jack Bauer walks in)

Jack: I AM JACK BAUER AND I AM REALLY COOL!

E: Dude, what's your problem?

J: I am looking for these people.(holds up pictures of Vlad, Lo, and Chris)

C: Oh yes they were here. Such lovely guests, we had the most interesting conversation about flowers and how to arrange them nicely.

A: Wait, I heard you killed Vlad.

Faeriecatcher1: He did but not in this story.

A: Ok.

E: (looks up angrily) Hey... it's you again!

Faeriecatcher1: Yeah, and you have a problem with that?

E: Can't you make a plotline that I can actually enjoy?

Faeriecatcher1: No.

E: Why not?

Faeriecatcher1: You don't like my plotlines? (Starts to cry)

C: Awww, Erik look what you did! (Pats Faeriecatcher1 sympathetically on the back)

Faeriecatcher1: (sobbing) I gave you ALL of this and this is how you repay me! (Starts to get angry)

E: (remembers last time he made Faeriecatche1 angry) No! I didn't mean it like that! PLEASE DON'T HUMILIATE ME AGAIN!(cowers)

Faeriecatcher1: (stops crying) Yay I made Erik cower! Sweet. And in response if I didn't make the plotline suck for you the story wouldn't be funny, and I wouldn't get any reviews.

E: Reviews. Reviews. Reviews. Is that all you fanfic people care about? What ever happened to writing a good story?

Faeriecatcher1: (glares)

E: I mean I understand completely.

(Silence)

A: When's little lemon coming back?

FC1: I dunno, she's currently obsessed with POTC 2, you know Capitan Jack Sparrow.

E: I lose so many phan girls that way. I mean c'mon he wears eyeliner!

C: Maybe you should take a hint.

E: I am not EVER going to wear eyeliner! (hides his new make-up bag under the couch).

A: So not for a while?

FC1: I'll see. (Turns to Jack) and by the way I LOVE YOU KEIFER!

Gerry: Hey!

FC1: I love you too Gerry.

Gerry: (glares at Jack/Keifer and in his super hot Scottich accent says) I'm Scottish, take that!

J: I just won two Emmys; I don't see you with any awards!

FC1: Ok, this is getting really out of hand I'm going to go.

C: Bye dear!

FC1: But before I go…

Gerry: hey what happened to my shirt?

FC1: (sighs) oh and Erik?

E: yeah?

FC1: You suddenly have no pants on.

E: WHY IS IT ALWAYS MY PANTS? YOU SICK PERSON!

Gerry: hehehehe.

Jack: wow. I'm going to be leaving too.

FC1: Love ya guys!

E: (mumbles)


End file.
